Funny Life Quotes for Enlightenment!
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
I think serial monogamy says it all.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. Jay London
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
Never fight an inanimate object.
Never floss with a stranger.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Who is it that is reading these words?