Funny Life Quotes for Enlightenment!

Some Funny Life Quotes:

I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
Jay London

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Paul Lynde

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns

I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
Ellen DeGeneres

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
Les Dawson

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. Jay London

Funny Life Quotes

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
Norman Wisdom

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Emo Philips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
Mitch Hedberg

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
Paul Lynde

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Howard Nemerov

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Mercedes McCambridge

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
Margaret Smith

Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke

Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

Who is it that is reading these words?
Author of this Web-Site

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